Yup, the title says it all…..every reason why I prefer to run device free. I want to believe any time I get to go out and move my body the experience will contain more good than bad: maybe by the end of this blog I’ll believe that again, but for now; NO WAY.
Anyone who writes anything is reflective. It’s part of the writing process. So I sit back and try to reflect on the path that has led to this moment….a moment that fills the outdoor airwaves with call after call, sharp words, verbal daggers whose only purpose was to expose every weakness I have, lonely thought, sadness, jealousy, and fear.
So here’s the reflective part: are these my characteristics as a person? Is this who I am? A shattered woman so broken that my only purpose in life is to use my chards to cut others? I’d never be so arrogant or full of ego to admit I haven’t hurt someone or had actions I later realized were done with the intention of nothing good coming from them………
But then that’s when I realize; no, I am not this barrard of insults because, well just because they weren’t the truth. I realize I’m a marathon away from perfection ( probably an unmarked distance ……details) and I don’t just say I learn….I actually do. I have an amazing village where integrity and honesty are those qualities valued by everyone and we all hold one another to those standards. If any of us fall short, we have a village to gently pull us back after the fall of owning up. And our character is gently reshaped to no longer include the flaw.
And so I desire to run but I honor the monologue and I listen; hoping for a chance to interject but I quickly get this is just going to be a volcano I merely have to survive. In the time it took took for thus person to slash at my character I realized I could have ran a marathon and that running would save me from this natural disaster as well. I will weather this storm and I will come out, standing on top of the new earth after the lava hardens. Because that’s all these angry words were. Lava that flowed around me but couldn’t bury me because what was spewing was more of a reflection of the spewer than me.
And so this new island, the aftermath of the storm, will blossom into a beautiful paradise and the views from every run on it will have been worth this lost run.
Groovy Girls Go………No More Taking Those Kinds of Phone Calls