The irony was not lost on me….
Death most certainly takes; Death however most certainly gives more.
As I looked around at the gathering of lives my Grandpa was able to bring together in his passing, the irony was certainly not lost on me. Death really is a gracious giver.
How often do we wish for time to stand still and for commitments or chores to be suspended or even forgiven…….death gives us that. When I heard of the earthly loss of my Grandfather, looked at all I needed to do as a school teacher, in the closing days of the school year and then I closed the book and began to pack. I opened a bottle of wine and I sat on my back deck listening to my daughter and her friends play. Death gave to me the gift of time and clarity of priorities.
Death gives us the most vivid memories. The moment we learn death has come our minds are flooded with memories. Maybe the good, maybe the bad, and maybe the ugly but no matter, the flood comes. Maybe we were ready, maybe we weren’t. Regardless, the flood gates are released and there’s no stopping the thoughts. Let them wash over you, this is their time now.
When the floods subside, Death often gives us time to slow down and reflect in the reflection. We can see in the life gone all that we still hope for of our own.
Death gives us a chance to make time for family we too often don’t make time for. When family came up to me in Dakota whom I had never met, or I didn’t even recognize, part of me was so saddened. Sad that there are so many miles and so little closeness. However the excuse of not being close is really only an excuse to not be close. So Death has given us the chance to close the gap; if even for a little while.
Death gives us an opportunity to say things we too often keep to ourselves……most of all, “I love you.” Now I suppose: say what you mean and mean what you say; but I’d like to think that despite never hearing my Grandpa ever initiate an, “I love you” that nevertheless he did.
He came from that time where farmers weren’t mushy-men. He experienced the depression in rural North Dakota. I get it; he was a tough ol’ skudder.
Death brings people together. Those people we can’t get enough of, as well as those people we’ve had enough of. Death doesn’t care what kind of grudge you’re holding. Frankly, Death would like you to get the fuck over it. The weight of anger is so much more than Death ever wants to carry, when he finally comes for you, it weighs you down so he’s desperate for you to un-turn your back and just drop it.
Love is so much lighter.
And love, as does happy, always looks better on a person.
So a man who listened way more than he spoke (as I knew him). Declined offers way more than he accepted. Responded more than he initiated, brought together all these people who laughed in each other’s presence and “I love you’s” flowed everywhere.
Death loves a good story and gives us a chance to tell stories we haven’t told often enough or others haven’t heard often enough…….so what if you’ve said it a million times. If it brings joy to your audience tell it, and tell it, and tell it, and then tell it again.
Death blows the dust off old albums. Bring those things out so the tears can really flow. Who cares if it’s only your family in a million brag-a-licious pictures. If others can’t be happy for your most joyous moments in life; then let them carry that burden, it’s not yours.
Death has always shared with me a glimpse of the soul …….. I’ve been pretty pissed at death at times in my life, but then, I’ve been pretty pissed at God and we still talk daily. I’ve always been a bold enough personality to say what’s on my mind. Maybe not always at the right time, nor always with the right words, but nevertheless you certainly don’t have to guess what’s on my mind. Death hasn’t had to wonder either. I’ve wailed at Death and been so pissed I thought I may strangle him.
Death lets me have my moment and then shares something to comfort my confusion –
Death has shared with me my friends in a dream, visions through the eyes of my daughter, I’ve heard voices in a song, and been winked at in the twinkling of the stars…..
And most recently, Grandpa in the shadow of a bird that flew above me for the 8 miles I ran in rural Dakota while there to celebrate his life. Death gave me that run with my Grandpa; something life never did….so thank you Death.
Groovy Girls Go………Thankful Even for Death